Contrary to what you might think, sometimes men aren’t in the mood for sex. If your man isn’t showing interest, use this guide on how to arouse a man.
This is a fairly rare phenomenon in the world—but it does happen every now and then, and can be extremely frustrating if you’re looking for a good time. Occasionally, your man just won’t be in the mood to get frisky. So you really need to learn how to arouse a man subtly and make him want you right then!
There are a lot of reasons that men just might not be in the mood. Maybe he’s tired, has had a long day, is stressed out, or he just doesn’t think that he’ll perform well for you that day and doesn’t want to be embarrassed.
Regardless, it can put a damper on your mood—especially if you were looking forward to spending some intimate time with him.
It can even upset you to the point that you think maybe he doesn’t want to sleep with you—although that’s usually not the reason at all.
[Read: What turns guys on? 34 sexual turn ons that arouse all men in seconds]
How to arouse a man even if he isn’t in the mood
If you’re all ready to go and want him to help you out, there are a few things you can do that will make him immediately forget why he wasn’t in the mood, and his attention will be 100% on you.
Slip on something sexy and get ready for these sneaky but powerfully sexy ways to arouse your man even if he isn’t in the mood! [Read: How to tell if a guy is turned on – 22 signs he’s horny AF around you]
1. Help him relax
When your man isn’t in the mood, it can be because he’s just stressed out! Help him relax a little bit by pouring him a drink, making him some dinner, and even putting on his favorite show.
Ask him if there’s anything he would like right then and do it for him. He will soon feel relaxed and much more willing to do whatever you want him to!
2. Give him a massage with hot oils
To relax him even further, offer to give him a hot oil massage. There’s almost no way that any man would refuse this. Get him naked, slather him up with oils, and in no time, he’ll surely be ready to go.
Take it a step further and take your clothes off halfway through. Why not? He’s already oiled up for you! And with your hands slowly working their way down his body, there’s no way he can resist! [Read: How to make love to a man – 31 hot ways to make him cry with passion]
3. Slip into sexy lingerie
If you really want to know how to arouse a man, put on some lingerie. If he’s just not feeling it and you’re in work clothes or sweats, throwing on some of his favorite sexy lingerie will be sure to get his eyes on you and get him in the mood.
Earn some bonus points by making his dinner and pouring him a drink WHILE wearing lingerie. Seeing you walk around the house, doing him favors, will arouse him no matter what mood he’s in.
4. Tell him all the things you want him to do to you
Lean in really close and whisper in his ear exactly what you want him to do to you in the bedroom.
He will begin visualizing all of this as you are barely touching your lips to his ears. He’ll want to hop off that couch and head to the bedroom straight away! [Read: 10 sexy conversation starters to get both of you really horny]
5. Put some sexy music on
Dim the lights, put the lingerie on, and turn up the baby-making music! By putting some key music on, he will see that you mean business.
In order to really get the fire going in him, put some music on that has significance to your time spent in the bedroom.
Maybe it is your wedding song or the song that was playing for your first time—whatever the case, his mind will go back to how much he wanted it then, and that will definitely inspire him now. [Read: The absolute best list of songs for sexy lovemaking]
6. Kiss him very slowly and leave him wanting more
Lean in very close and give him a long, slow kiss, and then walk away without another word. He will be stunned and curious to know what else you have in store for him. This sexy gesture is the perfect thing to do if you want to know how to arouse a man!
7. Text him from another room
Go to your bedroom, remove your clothes, and text him that you’re patiently waiting for him in bed. His curiosity will immediately be piqued and he’ll be wondering what exactly you’re waiting for.
If you want to go a step further, send him a picture of exactly what you look like in bed; he’ll be at the door the second you hit send. [Read: 12 subtle foreplay moves that work ridiculously well on every single man!]
8. Put on his favorite perfume
If you want to be really subtle about turning him on, just spritz on some of his favorite perfume and then lean in far enough that he can smell it.
Not only will he be attracted to the smell, he will also appreciate that you’re subtly trying to get him in the mood. [Read: What men like in bed – 32 things they desire and absolutely lust after]
9. Talk about the first time you guys had sex
Casually bring up that evening—or morning, who knows—and tell him your favorite parts about it: what he did that you just really loved and how much you want him to do those things again.
Chances are, the first night he was more than in the mood to get naked with you, and by talking about everything you two did, his memory will do the work for you and he’ll be ready to go in no time at all. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and arouse him with the sexiest words]
10. Snuggle up close and put his hands right where you want them
Get really close to him, have a minute or two of snuggling, and then slowly take his hands and put them right where you want them.
This gesture will not only surprise him, but get him thinking about what he really could do with those hands. [Read: 20 kinky things you can do with your boyfriend before getting into bed]
11. Be demanding
Men love a woman in charge. Get up and tell him you’re going to have him tonight no matter what, so he better get in the bedroom before you find a way to put him there. If you’re not someone who typically takes charge, he will be both surprised and intrigued.
This will make him start thinking about you telling him what to do in the bedroom and it will force his curiosity to see what you have in store for him.
12. Turn off the distractions
Men are distracted quite easily. That might be a little mean, but it’s true. If there’s a game on, or his favorite show is playing, or there is anything that could be taking his attention away from you, he’s not going to be in the mood to leave it just to appease you.
Turn it off. Turn the game off, take his phone and put it elsewhere, and climb right on his lap and demand that he pays attention to you only. This is a surefire way to arouse your man even if he isn’t in the mood! [Read: 27 fun sex games you can play with your man to get him horny in no time]
13. Sext him during the day
When he’s at work, his mind is probably not on sex. But you want to set up his expectations for when he gets home.
You should probably wait until later in the day to do this because you don’t want him to get too distracted with his work. But send him sexy photos and text him naughty things. Tell him what you want to do to him when you see him later at night. [Read: How to take jaw-dropping nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest nude selfies ever]
14. Time it right
If you really want to arouse a man and get him in the mood, you need to time it right. You might think it’s a great time to have sexy time, but he might not.
Maybe the playoff game is on that night and he’s focused on that. It would be a terrible time to try to turn him on. Or if he just had a really hard day at work and is in a bad mood, let him wind down first before you try to get him in the mood. [Read: What turns men on – 20 desirable traits men want to see in women]
15. Cook him a romantic dinner
As the saying goes, “the way to man’s heart is through his stomach!” Everyone loves a good meal…especially men.
You don’t have to even be a good cook to make him a romantic dinner. It’s more about the mood than the food. Light candles, play a romantic playlist from Spotify, and tell him what you want to do with him after dinner.
16. Talk about “forbidden” places to do it
You can start a conversation about the strangest place(s) he has ever had sex. And talk about whether that turns him on. You can tell him about your adventures too.
Then, together, you should talk about what other kinds of places you could have sex that would be wildly adventurous.
The beach? A movie theater? A cemetery? The restroom at a restaurant? Joining the mile high club? This will get his wheels turning so he thinks about sex with you… right here… right now. [Read: 60 dirty and sexy things to say to your man + the very secret art of dirty talking and fantasizing]
17. Go commando
Wear a short skirt or dress with no underwear. Go around the house pretending to clean *or really doing it*.
Bend over to pick up things in front of him. Give him a good look at what’s underneath the dress you’re wearing. It won’t take him long to get the hint, and it’s always a great way to arouse a man.
18. Make eye contact
It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. Look deep into his eyes for a long time. Stare deep into his soul.
He might wonder what you are doing, and could even be a little weirded out at first. But once he asks what you are doing, and you tell him all the sexy thoughts you are having, then he will know you want to jump his bones.
19. Wear something sexy and revealing
Men are very visual creatures. That’s a huge reason why they like porn so much! So instead of downplaying your physical assets, turn his attention to you and how you look if you want to learn to arouse a man.
Wear a short skirt, a tight dress, and a plunging neckline. Show your cleavage. Men are suckers for a woman who is dressed for sex! [Read: How to dress for sex – Look sexier for your man and leave him horny]
20. Watch porn together
As the last suggestion just said, most men like watching porn. But wouldn’t you rather have him watch it with you than alone by himself?
He might even be surprised when you suggest it, but he will probably be happy about it! When you watch, tell him that you would like to do that to him too, and that you should practice what you are seeing on the screen.
21. Role play
Sometimes everyday sex can become boring. Sure, it’s great, but sometimes a man just wants a little bit of variety. One way you can give that to him is by “becoming another person.”
Try acting like his teacher, and he’s the bad student that needs to be punished. Or you’re the police and have to tie him up and arrest him. Role playing can definitely get any man in the mood as long as you bring his naughty fantasies to life. [Read: The sexual role play guide for beginners and how to seduce you man as someone else]
22. Ask him about his fantasies
Everyone has sexual fantasies. But sometimes, it feels taboo to talk about them with your partner. So, ask him about his.
It will not only make him feel comfortable and feel closer to you, but it will also get his mind thinking about doing them with you. After he talks about his fantasies, share yours with him too, and then devise a plan for how you both can make them happen. [Read: The top 17 female fantasies that arouse almost all women and the top 16 male fantasies every guy has in mind 24/7]
23. Slip him a naughty note in his car
Why not go low-tech and get away from your sexting and sending photos?
Do it the old-fashioned way by writing him a sexy note and leaving it in his car so he sees it on his way to work. It will give him something exciting to think about all day long!
24. Perform a strip tease
Besides porn, another thing that most men like is going to strip clubs. But wouldn’t you rather have him watch you do a striptease than have him go out with the boys and stick dollar bills into random women’s panties? Get some sexy music, perfect your dance, and give him the most unforgettable dance he could ever ask for. [Read: The sexy strip tease – How to strip for your man like a pro even if you don’t know where to start]
When your man just isn’t feeling like jumping into bed with you, it can be more than a little frustrating. If you’re in dire need of him in the bedroom, now you know how to arouse a man, even if he isn’t in the mood!